Faith Stories

My Lesson About Freedom




No one could probably understand the hell that I went through during the last 4 years of learning to “deny” myself and trust God. I had to follow Him in ways that I could not understand and I saw Him do things that were impossible for man. 


I followed Jesus to a hotel room with my kids, with no way to pay for it. I had no place to go. I had nothing. Through that step of following Him, He opened up His promises to me to reveal so much goodness. For more than 4 years, He supported us–even when the whole world was against me. 


Time and time again, He showed up with miracle money to pay for our rooms and keep us from being homeless on the streets. I had to learn to trust Him for our food, our shelter, and everything else that we needed. My faith was stretched in ways that I cannot even describe because it was so unbelievable. 


While people sat around their dinner tables and televisions at night, I had my face pressed against the bathroom floor while weeping and trying to believe that God would show up with the money for food and to pay for our room before check out. It was agonizing because I had to face the kind of fears that many people could never imagine. 


At the same time, there were people who read my blog that criticized me for having fears, as I was facing the doom of death. I am sure that if they were in the same situation, they would have some fears manifest themselves–possibly even more than I. 


Although none of my fears came to pass, it was terrifying to stand in the midst of them. There were so many mornings, when I was on the floor weeping, not knowing where the provision to pay for our rooms would come from. 


I had to trust God’s promises, even when it looked hopeless. Being in the place of poverty and lack is very restrictive–it is a prison to say the least. Before this journey, I was a slave to the religious mindset of limiting God and believing that we were supposed to suffer for Him and be broke. 


However, Jesus took me first hand through more than 4 years of leaning on Him for support. I started out leaving all I had to follow Him. Unlike so many, I had literally nothing at that point. 


I had no home, no clothes, no car, and no one that I could call to help me. All I had was Jesus and His promise. He walked with Me step by step and provided for everything, just like He said. 


With each season and stay, He gave us bigger and better than before. He showed me that to “deny yourself and follow Him” was about denying the mindset that holds so many people in a religious prison. 


It means to trust His promises above everything else–even our senses. It means to deny your worries, fears, and doubts you face, as you learn to depend on His words. God is abundant. 


He gives us everything that we need, with abundant life and there is always plenty left over. He does above and beyond all that we can ask, hope, or think. This whole mindset of thinking you have to live in poverty, lack, or a place of suffering is a slap in His face. 


It is denying the very gift that He has given to us. It is denying His freedom. Jesus was like Harriet Tubman for me. He led me out of slavery and showed me what it is like to live free. 


The religious mindset will twist God’s words in a way to make people think that they have to suffer and be limited by lack. But those with a religious mindset rarely ever see it because having a religious mindset is likened to being blind. They are enslaved and they don’t even see it. 


The worst deception of a religious mindset is those who pretend to have intimacy with Jesus and tell people that they cannot live an abundant life, out of worship to Jesus. 


One of Jezebel’s favorite hiding places is in a prophet who publically expresses their intimate love with Jesus. They try to make people feel ashamed and guilty for the very thing that God has put in their hearts to be fulfilled. But the truth is–they don’t even know Him. They sit in their false comfort and never experience the active testing of faith. 


He loves to give generously and abundantly. The thing that we must learn is to trust Him for all that we need and not put our trust in money or a man. God is our source of all that we need. 


After all, He has promised that He will never let us down or fail to provide us with an abundance of support. So many people never see that abundance because they think thoughts that contradict His promises. 


They think thoughts that enslave them, like saying they have no money or they are poor—or the very worst is saying that they have to suffer and have nothing in order to worship Him. That is straight from hell–just saying. 


We have to think, feel, and believe that we have an abundance and that God has no limits. We have to believe that we have His promises before we see them with our eyes. 


That is why the words do not produce an abundance for some people, because they read them and accept them, but then they enslave themselves by thinking and feeling like they are suffering, in lack, or need. 


The same thing goes with health. You must feel, think and even imagine that you are healed before you see it with your eyes. We first believe and then we see. Like a key, all of our feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc–must line up with His promise or the door does not open. 


It is not a passive faith, it is believing and trusting with all of yourself. All of your thoughts, feelings, emotions, imaginations, etc–must match His promise. To deny yourself is to deny those anti-faith negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It is to deny your doubts. It is to deny your fears and worries. It means to surrender to His promises, despite everything else. 


I had to go through this long journey of trusting Him in the scariest places for Him to show this to me. But now I have seen it and I have been taught first hand and I have been set free from the slavery that I was once in. 


Now I am looking forward to seeing what God does next to establish His abundant promise in our life. It will take a miracle for what is next, but I believe that I will have an incredible testimony very soon. 


Love you! 



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