The best moments
The best moments that I have had during this journey of living on only God’s promise of support for 5 years have been when the miracle rushed in like a Hero to save us from falling.
The worst moments are the moments of falling. It is those “in-between” moments when it feels like my belly is doing flip-flops and fear is crouching at the door like a hungry lion to destroy that I don’t enjoy.
Right now it feels like I am falling. I woke up feeling like I was falling from a high tower and the appearance of surviving this looks impossible from a natural standpoint.
Before the end of this week–in just a handful of days–we are leaving this place where we have been for the past 10 months. God showed me what hotel to go to. I made the reservation out of faith but I don’t even have the money (yet) to pay it.
It is a moment when I am pressing with all of my heart to believe that what God promised me would show up, even though it doesn’t look like it can. In the unseen, God has shown me that He would send the help that He promised and but in the physical world, there is no hope of anything coming.
Last night the Lord showed me that this would turn out as His comfort materializing from my place of total discomfort of being pressed by faith. As a matter of fact, He showed this time to me as coming out like a grilled cheese sandwich haha.
It was a time of being pressed by faith and in the heat of faith-testing that His comfort would show up to fill us with a wonderful experience of tasting His goodness.
The other night I was trying to calm my racing heart from this faith test. I put on some soft instrumental music to try to relax my heart from beating so rapidly. I began to think of God’s promises for us over and over in my mind, like pouring out milk to a frantic baby.
Suddenly, I had a vision of a cow, and written on the cow were the words, “I am home”. Then I remembered the love letter that God gave me about resting with the cows. (you can read that one here: https://diamondsfromthedust.com/2021/05/16/rest-with-the-cows/
It brought me comfort because God promised when we began this journey and even to the end, that He would be our home and that He would cover all of our needs.
Even when we move around, God is still with us as our home. He is the comfort that I need and the shelter of protection. He is the refuge to hide me from the attacks and storms that try to hurl against us. He is the place where I can lay down my worries and needs–and just rest.
It was never about my great faith or the love letters or stories–this whole thing has been about His powerful love and rich supply pouring out of my weakness and inability to save myself. He drew me into this, not because I am something extraordinarily special, but because of how needy I was and how much He loves us.
To know that He loves me and that He will take care of me is everything. To know that even if the whole world hated me and wanted me to die, God would save us and help us no matter what—because He loves us.
His love is what has saved us and held us up for these 5 years. His love is what gave us extra generous comfortable homes so that my children could feel better. His love is what was there when I was being assaulted with attacks from so many out there judging everything I did or said with accusations instead of showing mercy and love.
Even if the whole world turned against us, His promise to love and support us would never end. It has all been about His love loving the unloved. God loves to pick up the outcasts and seat them in high places of His support.
His love, His love, His love. It is all about His love. May this final chapter reveal that love in ways that it has never been.
My favorite song in the whole world is by Jason Mraz and it is called, “I won’t give up on us”. To me, it is the most beautiful song in the world. It is a song that I always dreamed that someone would sing for me.
Whenever I am terrified with no way to pay for my room, food, or bills, I play this song and I remember God’s promise to never let us go. Today I am playing that song through this faith-testing. It is a secular song but it is meaningful to me. You can hear it here: I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz (Lyrics)
It makes me cry but I cry out of love. God met me on that painful road and gave me this promise. When I was about to be homeless and I had no one to help us, God stepped in and saved us https://diamondsfromthedust.com/our-story/
He became that love that I had always dreamed of and He made me a promise to always be our Home. He promised to support us and supply all our needs–no matter where He would take us. So in times like this when it feels like I am falling and there is no way to survive…
I close my eyes and imagine that His promise has arrived. Suddenly I am no longer falling helplessly, but my feet are firmly planted on the sturdy foundation of His promise. Finally, at that moment, He has become my home once again.
His love wraps around the details of my life to bring us comforts that no man can destroy. He shows up when it looks like I will take my last breath and He gives me the resuscitation of His life-saving words coming to the surface.
It is in that moment, when I nearly crashed to my end, that His love catches us and causes the comfort to be felt again.
That is the best part of this journey of faith. It is when His love steps in to comfort us and save the day. I live for those moments because they are more special to me than I could ever even describe.
Even if the mountains heave up from their anchors, and the hills quiver and shake, I will not desert you. You can rely on My enduring love; My covenant of peace will stand forever. So says the Eternal One, whose love won’t give up on you. Isaiah 54:10