I haven’t stopped thanking God for giving us this week of refuge. We were able to get into our place without any problems but the transition was not as easy as I hoped. So far it has been bitter-sweet and I could barely walk after moving everything. I forgot how strenuous that was lol.
Leaving the apartment with everyone having their own space was hard…really hard. The room is beautiful and clean, but it has been a little bit sad. It was hard to leave that apartment after 10 months and go back to the restrictions of a hotel.
It feels like I am an eagle flying right into the winds of my worst fears. There is strong friction in this battle of what God promised versus all of the fears and oppositions that have been pressing against me. I have read that the eagle loves when the storms roll in because she uses the harsh winds of resistance to push her higher.
I am in that place right now where my trust in God matters the most. I could give in to those fears and allow them to destroy me or I can put those fears underneath me, like an eagle using the wind to move higher.
I have been promised the support that I need and for the apartment for us to finally call home. In the natural, I need groceries but don’t see a path to do that yet and I don’t see any way to pay for the next week here—let alone an apartment of our own.
It seems to be a day of great choice. I can put all of my hope in God showing up to save us as He promised, or I could give in to the agony and despair of how hopeless it looks by appearance.
This feels like life or death and the only way to survive is to take God at His word and really believe in His ever-presence and supportive love. He has taken us this far and I don’t believe He would drop us now.
In all these years, this faith test seems different from the rest. It is harder but the rewards are bigger. I know that I need to push all of my chips into the center of the table and go big for the final haul.
Every time God takes us to a room, I always look up the meaning of the number, usually using Greek or Hebrew. I don’t know why, but I just always do. I look for God to speak to me through everything because I believe in His ever-presence to be all-knowing at all times. Like a friend that travels with me, I believe He is always right by my side.
Each time that I have looked at a room number during these whole five years, they were always really powerful, meaningful, and confirming. This time, our room number means “to ascend” or “to go higher”. That is huge for me.
My heart has been battling so much sadness because I want to give the kids what they are longing to have. At the same time, I know that I need to follow the path laid before me and trust in God’s plan for us, even when I can’t fully see how it goes or understand the way that He takes us.
What makes me so thankful is that God has given me promises of so many wonderful things–basically, all of our dreams coming to the surface. All I have to do is believe them and they will emerge.
Instead of looking at how bad this situation looks and feels right now, I need to be like an eagle that flies over the storm to the place of serenity above the clouds. The sweet place above the clouds is calm and peaceful. A place of total bliss and rest.
Symbolically to me, it is the place of seeing all that God promised come to pass. Even though I woke up wanting to panic and cry, I am going to take a deep breath and release these fears to God all over again.
I will put them underneath me as I choose to meditate on what I have been promised and try my best to act and think as if they already are. To see the fulfillment would be like Christmas morning and the gifts that I long to have. The good news is they have already been given.
More than anything, this is me learning to lean on the Beloved as my Savior, my true love, very best friend, and ever-present help–all over again. I have come too far and seen too many miracles and promises fulfilled to not believe any longer. Time to rise above this storm.
I love you and thank you for taking the time to read this journey and love us through each step.