Faith Stories

The Power of Letting Go


For months and months, God had been preparing me for what I just went through. I will also say that it was the hardest test of faith I have ever endured but it was utterly transformational. 


Practically a year ago God gave me a promise of getting 10,000 to cover my room and begin the process of getting our dream apartment established and that there would be even more to come. 


After having God remind me for so long but not seeing it happen, it started to feel like it would never come and I had doubt and unbelief building up around my heart like scar tissue over a wound. 


It was about 3 days before I had to pay for our current place and I had a mountain of needs and deadlines rising against me. The scariest part was I no longer had a car and I would have had no place to go and no way to leave if the promised room money didn’t arrive. 


However, Jesus had said that He would rescue me from my fears and to expect the magnificent to be done. That promise was an anchor to get me through this difficult time. 


It was also practically an endless desert with no water in sight. There were barely any donations coming to the ministry and no movement was visible to the eyes. Seeing such a dusty and dry ground made the hopes of having a sudden gush of support seem hopeless at that time. 


There was a tornado happening in my mind between my hopes and my fears. 


Then at the same time, there was this crazy pressure of one of my kids having a birthday at the same time that I had all of these life-or-death deadlines mounting over me.


 I was trying to have faith and make plans, but honestly, all I could do was cry in secret with anxiety attacks. It felt like I was in the hottest fire I had ever known and yet I knew deep down that God would never let me down. We’ve come too far and He has done so much. I have too much proof to ever doubt Him, and yet there I was. 


All I had to hold onto was my promise of support from God. I knew that this was a test that God had been prepping me for so long and failing wasn’t an option because I was desperate to survive and overcome. 


Like studying for a test, I went through all of the things that the Holy Spirit trained me to do to see water spring out of the barren ground. I had to not think about any doubts or worries. There was no looking down. I could only allow thoughts of faith, hope, and confident expectations of what would be done. 


Doing that felt like dying. It was seriously hard to resist the fear of falling. I went back and forth between faith and fear for many days before the pressing moment occurred. I would focus all of my attention on faith but then like looking down from a tall building, I would get afraid when I realized how seriously I needed help.


At that moment of sudden panic, I would weep like crazy and it was so hard to breathe. I just wanted the pain to stop and I wanted to feel the relief that the trial was over. 


The only way that I could endure the pain of those fears pressing against me was to close my eyes and imagine that what I was promised had already happened and feel the joy of how wonderful that comfort would be. 


When there were just 3 days before I needed a miracle and no way to survive, aside from God’s promise coming to pass, I reached a new place in my walk of faith. 


The Lord started to tell me that the way to fly over all of these oppositions and tap into the power of fulfillment was to let go of all of the emotions of fear and worry. Like pushing a baby out at the end of childbirth, the thought of letting go of the exact feelings that were abusing me was irresistible and felt so good to do. 


I wanted to make it as powerful and impactful as I could. So I focused all of my attention on my fear of falling and getting hurt. I allowed my whole body to become tense and I clenched my fists with all of my strength. 


Then I said, “God I release all of this fear to you and I am choosing to trust your promise, no matter how impossible it looks”. Then I exhaled powerfully and released myself from every held-up tension. 


In order to maintain that freedom from the weight of fear and worry, I repeated the process as needed. 


I was remembering this speech that I once heard from Mel Robbins. She said that the brain cannot distinguish between fear and excitement, so we can turn something scary into something very good. 


She said that we can instantly turn our fears into something good by thinking bout something that makes us excited when we are afraid and it will completely change how we feel into something beneficial and good. 


I tried to do that too and I kept imagining that the 10,000 that God promised me suddenly showed up and I was able to pay my room, all of my bills, and make moving preparations. 


Like doing leg lifts to get stronger, I was doing that as an act of faith over and over. While I was in the very middle of doing that faith activity, IT HAPPENED! 


It took me by such surprise, even though it came exactly as God had foretold it. My dreams came true exactly as I had dreamed that they would. I literally haven’t been able to stop crying gratitude ever since and now I am really experiencing that relief that I was dreaming about being tangible. 


There is so much power in letting go of negative things like the negative weight of fear, worry, and doubt. Letting go is was causes us to rise into fulfillment. It is an act of complete trust, extreme faith, and honor to God. 


Sometimes the most powerful thing to do is nothing. We simply have faith in what we cannot see yet or we fear what we cannot see yet. Not giving attention to fear is what gives materialization to faith. Faith propels into life and fear is the heavyweight that pulls down to death. 


We get what we believe, whether we put our faith in fear or in God’s promises and abundant love. Surrendering to love is like a trust falling into God’s personal support and then encountering His Sovereign power raising us up. 


When I was in the fire of this test, it didn’t feel like anything would happen. I just had to decide that it would and that God not let me go or relax His promise to hold me up. 


Like a butterfly and a caterpillar, a part of me died from this very aggressive test of faith and it hurt to go through. But the moments of discomfort were worth it because a new part of me rose up with wings to fly to new beginnings. I have a feeling that life will never be the same and that fills me with a joy that I have never known. 


When you choose faith, just prepare to be amazed. ✨


Love and bless you




“I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” Hebrews 13




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