I Let Go

 

The pressure coming on all sides, like gravity pushing into a star. I fear you will forget me, that you will not show up in time, in my darkest hour. So I push against the gravity with my own self-induced worries, like gamma rays pushing against the gravity from my core. 

 

You say, ‘it’s okay, I’ve got you’, but I cannot let go. I cannot allow gravity to take control. The worry is the only way I can cry out, hoping that you will remember me in my time of urgency. 

 

I just cannot let go, I’ve been holding on so long. What if you forget me? What if I was wrong? Even after all the many times you have saved my life, I still hold every time when I was hurt, like astrocyte cells clinging to memories. 

 

But I am too tired of fighting against the faith. I know that I need to trust you, and let the struggle be released. Then I say, what if letting go of my fear, is the very thing that causes your love rescue to appear? 

 

What if you hurt me? What if you don’t? 

 

Yet you are the only Home I’ve ever known. You are all I have beneath this endless sea of stars. You are my everything, the reason for my heartbeat. 

 

I can’t take the pressure, I can’t keep fighting. 

 

So I stop fighting against the gravity. I release you of every offense of hurting me. I am laying my life upon your words. I am risking everything, even my very hurt. 

 

I place my children in your care, I am choosing to believe in your words. 

 

It’s too hard to keep holding onto the past. It is too exhausting to keep pushing against the gravity from the worries that I have stored. 

 

You said that you would save me, so I will rest in your care. 

 

Because I would rather believe, then to continue holding onto this fear. 

 

I love you beyond what my heart can express. You are my oxygen. You are my breath. 

 

If I should die, then I surrender myself to you, and I give to you my precious ones too. 

 

But I know, in the depths of my heart, that you will show to do exactly as you promised to do. I believe you, I do! 

 

It’s so hard to move on, I have been holding onto the pain for so long. I have to choose to not need to understand, and trust in your Divine master plan. 

 

I’m tired. I’m so tired. It is so exhausting to worry, and doubt, These fears are draining my energy out. 

 

With a bowed heart, I place myself beneath your words. I humble myself in your presence, to make you the Lord of my heart. 

 

I collapse like a dying star into the care of your love. No longer am I fighting you. No longer will fear being a forgotten one. 

 

I will not love my life more than you, not even unto death. This pride of fear is being removed. 

 

What if…

 

What if…

 

What if….I am done with the ‘what if’s. Your words are my only truth. I give my whole life and the lives of those who depend on me to YOU. 

 

This is the end of the doubt. This is the end of the fears I have been holding until now. My life is no longer in my hands, it is given to you, My God. Yes, I give you all I had planned. 

 

How can a mother forget a child in her womb? I believe…. You will remember that I need you. 

 

I choose to put my fears to death, and trust you to rise up like the star in my heart to do all you have promised. 

 

I let go, Jesus. I let go of all I have been holding against you. I let go of the times when I suffered and didn’t expect to. 

 

Dear God, I release you from my judgments, and I open my heart to love and trust. 

 

You said that letting go will cause me to fly, far above all these dangers now. 

 

So I let go. I love you. 

 

I let go of my doubts. I choose to trust you.

 

Love, Dannette Ward 

 

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