The Trouble with Numbers
It was a week before Christmas and also a week before I had to pay my rent. I started to panic because I was seeing no way (in the natural) that we could get by and cover our needs.
Yet in the night, God would serenade me with promises of abundant provisions showing up. I was in a tug of war between the faith of what God was saying and the lack that I saw. The numbers of how much money I needed were so intimidating because it looked like nothing was coming.
Sometimes when I would look at how much money I needed, I would panic. I would get so consumed with “how” we were going to get by, that I had to find a way to comfort myself.
I would turn on some light piano music and close my eyes. Then I would imagine (activate my faith) to see all that God promised me coming to pass. I would imagine us in the same apartment, surrounded by gifts. Because one of my biggest prayers at that time was that we could stay here for the Holidays.
But it looked impossible, especially to the logical. However, I had a place within me that believed in the power of faith and I decided to keep holding onto what God was saying. It was scary because I had nothing and I needed more than I could even wrap my mind around.
Right about when the fire of the trial started to get too hot, God surprised me with an open door and He fulfilled His words. It was just like getting toasted marshmallows on top of a hot chocolate drink. I cried so hard and I was starstruck by what God did for days.
God came through a way that I never expected and He showed up with more than I would have believed could happen. I was able to pay my December AND January rent in full and give my family a very special Christmas surprise with plenty of gifts.
The trouble with numbers is that sometimes when we focus too much on what we see coming in and when we depend too much on our own money plans, it leaves little room for faith to receive the miraculous from God.
I was so consumed with numbers, that I had lost sight of how massive God is. I needed to shut off my focus on numbers and trust that God is abundant and He is known for His wonders and miracles.
One night before everything happened, God told me to “turn it around” and He taught me about using my faith to imagine and feel like my promises were done. After I started to do that, everything changed and the provision poured out like wine.
Sometimes we need to put away the calculators, the calendars of incoming deposits, and just allow ourselves to open up to the unlimited ways of God. We need a little place to exercise our faith, instead of always looking at the natural realm.
He has a bottomless ocean of support for us and when we approach Him by faith, He will ladle it out in buckets that are above and beyond all that we could ask, hope, or imagine.
I used to hate having this weakness of living so dependently on faith and without structured paychecks. I remember even feeling jealous of those who comfortably lived on retirement checks.
But now I see that it was not a weakness at all. Having to depend on God, without being able to see numbers of a structured income, has given me the opportunity to search out His endless support and completely fascinating miracles. It helped me to grow in faith and to be able to absorb His promises in a way that has changed my life.
If you are in need of something today or something to come in the future. Or if you just want to see God do something huge as an answer to your prayers, then just put away the numbers.
Go into a quiet place alone with Him and allow your faith to search and explore His endless and abundant love. Think about what He promised you and not how things look. Get so wrapped up in His promises to you, that your dreams become your reality.
That is how my December went. It was above and beyond the spectacular. I believe there is something even bigger and better getting ready to open up. After all of the pain and scorching fire that I have walked through, I am not even gonna feel bad about sharing the blessings. God is present and active in our lives. His love is intentional and it brings me to tears every time.
I have also learned that just because something looks like it won’t happen, doesn’t mean that it won’t. It usually means that God will come through in a different way, in a way that is utterly unexpected. It’s all about surprises and He is the very best at delivering in a way that will leave us shocked by His tangible love.